Writing
Writing takes work. I knew it before I started, but it has a different meaning now. First, creating the blog "my way" stopped me from writing, so I spent much time deciding on the look-and-feel and the backend. I wanted to self-host, so I looked at WordPress, Django, plain HTML with Markdown, Hugo, MkDocs, and then plain HTML again. It took a while to understand and learn these systems' underworkings and to test them. Then, bearblog.dev simplified it for me; I liked the simplicity and cleanliness of it. So now, I have the tool, checked. From my previous post you know that I have my project too, and over time, I made a list of topics to write about, checked. So, my first post came easy. After that, I got stuck.
Writing periodically takes work. Sadly, my life revolves around work. Luckily, there is an overlap between what I like and my work. So, my work and personal projects are on somewhat parallel tracks with frequent cross-overs. Most of the time, it's a win-win. But between that and family obligations - which my partner keeps at bay, as I am not as present as I should be at home - I am busy, and there is little time left. I want to spend time with my family; I want to read; I want to work on my projects; and now there is writing. What's the opportunity cost of it? Well, all these other things that I enjoy doing. So writing takes away from my time and other satisfactions.
Writing periodically takes work on your ego. I've seen writers with goals of writing daily. I want my posts to be polished and well-thought, not a stream of consciousness. I want them to be easy to read and understand, which requires more effort on my side. It's not an either or, though. Reading old posts could be an exercise in humility, seeing my blindspots and lack of understanding. And thoughts usually seem much clearer in the mind than on paper. So editing and rewriting has its value. "What am I really saying? Let me make that clearer."
(On the same train of thought, and the subject of a future post, is a compare and contrast of chat-style timestamped block note-taking versus traditional file-based editable note-taking. Write as you go, capture the moment, and trace your steps later, versus take notes and edit them until they are as complete and accurate as possible.)
Writing periodically takes work on your ego and mind. How many items can you keep in your mind? Studies show that you can only keep track of a few items at once. Connecting this back to my work and being present at home - it's not a clean slate that I wake up with. Projects, meetings, deadlines, home chores - all rent mind space and can't be quickly evicted. "Life is blowing up my memory caches!" I daydreamed (or nightmared) in conversations, dropping entirely out of the present to process unresolved tasks. As I was being spoken to, my mind switched to different threads to deal with catching up, processing, remembering what was due, and then coming back to the realization of being absent for a minute. "Could you please repeat that?"
So, in the end, after trying to write yesterday and wandering off and getting stuck in rabbit holes, I now think it's time I don't have, and a clear mind. "I'd like a larger portion of both, if possible!"